I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
