He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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