She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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