There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
