im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
