I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
