Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
