you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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