i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My feet surprised me
Randomize
