Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
