someone get that fucking seahorse.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
