i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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