I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
