Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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