she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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