Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
