I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
