Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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