Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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