i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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