all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How does one acquire holy water?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
