go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
