There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
