Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
only you would photoshop your dick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
