dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
