does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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