i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How's work?
Spinning.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
