great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
