Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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