just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
