i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's always time for handjobs
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
