I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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