If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
