is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
