whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize