this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
