Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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