Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
