Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it glows. i had to have it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
