6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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