3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
