hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
