honey bunches of taint.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
