Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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