Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
