That's intense
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
