Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
