it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
