Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize