i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
