I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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