you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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