just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
where are you?
Hypothermia
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
