i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
