she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize