1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
