You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
