Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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