He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
