Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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