Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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