An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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