Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
