Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
