the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize