My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
