I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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