i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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