when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
