I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
