Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
