you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
