highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
