maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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