I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
