i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
