White coat. Heels.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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