She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
