He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
